[Today's opening is a short one! This episode has a lot going on.]
[Sorry, Yo-King-san. We couldn't do a second part next week.]
What? You mean even Matsumura, Degawa and the others were arrested?
Damned Shinsengumi.
From what I've heard, even Katsura and Takasugi left Edo to escape their pursuit.
Cowards, all of 'em.
Have they forgotten the Yamato spirit that drives us to save our country without the fear of death?
But... This may be a good opportunity.
If we, The Three Parco Brothers, act now,
we could be the leaders of the Anti-Foreginer Faction before Katsura and Takasugi return.
They may be called the special police, but they're just a bunch of old country samurai.
If we take out their leader, they'll become like sheep without a shepherd.
Our target is the Shinsengumi's brains, the demon vice-chief, Toshiro Hijikata.
["The More You're Alike, the More You Fight"]
Pops, the usual.
Okay.
Oh, this is the first time I've seen you without your uniform, Hijikata-san.
I'm off today.
When you're single, it's hard to find things to do.
Better than having a wife nag you all day.
Really?
Stop that, Dear.
The demon vice-chief is totally off guard.
It'd be easy to get rid of him.
Shall we do it?
Here you go! The Hijikata special!
What the heck is he eating?
Makes me sick just watching.
Here you are. Uji Gintoki Bowl!
What?! Red bean jam on rice?!
Huh?
What kind of diner is this?! Nothing but weirdos here!
Hey hey. Pardon me, but you with the mayonnaise dish-mind leaving?
Seeing you slop that into your mouth is gonna ruin my appetite. Right, buddy?
Me?
If that's the case, then I think it'd be best if you left.
Anyone with such a messed up sense of taste, who puts red bean jam on rice,
has no right to eat in a diner. Right, buddy?
Well, I...
Don't you know that since times long past, rice goes great with sweets?
Like an-pan and cakes. Right, buddy?
Huh? I don't know.
Don't you know that a sophisticated palate
requires contrasting flavors to bring out a dish's distinctions?
Adding salt or tartness brings out the original flavor.
In other words, a ton of mayo.
Right, buddy?
No...stop asking me. I'm not part of this.
Don't compare my red bean jam rice to your dog food.
This is a historic dish created by the Sandwich Shogun,
who was too lazy to eat dinner and dessert separately.
Right, buddy?
Who? Wouldn't Sandwich Shogun have invented sandwiches?
That's rice.
Oh Yeah? Well, mine was created by General Barbarosa who grew tired
of eating rice and mayonnaise separately and created...
Who the hell are these people?!
And mayonnaise isn't a necessary food to have with every meal.
All right then, shall we compare which tastes better:
Uji Gintoki Bowl or your dog food special?
Right, buddy?
What do you mean, "Right, buddy"?
Bring it on! Right, buddy?
Hold it! It's not all right! What is this?! Why should I have to eat it?!
We need an objective opinion. That's why it has to be done by a complete stranger.
Right, buddy?
We're counting on you. Right, buddy?
Right buddy?! You make it sound like its my name...
How is it, eh buddy? Isn't mine a lot tastier?
Huh? Right buddy?
Right buddy!
Thank you very much.
Tsk, we didn't anticipate such interference.
Big Brother, who was that silver-haired guy?
No idea.
That's all right, Jiro.
It's your turn. Don't blow it.
I feel awful.
Why'd I have to run into him of all people on my day off.
I was thinking of catching a movie, but...
It's for kids... I don't feel like watching it.
[My Neighbor Pedro]
[Note: This movie is obviously a play on "My Neighbor Totoro"]
Pedro, please help me!
My younger sister, Oshizu, is lost.
She's crying by herself somewhere.
Please, Pedro.
You try calling the cops?
Please, Pedro!
They cut my phone off.
Please, Pedro!
You're just like all the rest.
You only come asking, "Pedro, Pedro" when you need help.
The other day, you were playing Ping-Pong Dash. I know everything!
It's really getting to me...
This kids' movie speaks to adults, too. It's a movie all adults should see.
Is he seriously crying over this?
But this darkness will make the job easier.
Right from behind.
One stab.
Hey. You there!
Your sniveling is too loud.
I can't hear a thing.
What did Pedro just say?
What was it about Ping-Pong Dash?
Sorry. Seems Pedro and that girl are about to...
You again! What's with you?!
Showing up everywhere I go!
That's my line, stupid!
What? You desperate for friends or something?!
You wanna be friends?
Idiot!
I wondered who the annoying guy munching on popcorn behind me was!
Get out! Get out right now!
Shut up!
I was just trying to get some popcorn out from between my teeth!
Now you've made me lose track of the whole story!
I may as well just finish my popcorn and leave!
That's what happens when a samurai eats such frivolous foods.
You an idiot or something?
Popcorn head! I hope your head pops!
I don't want to hear that from a mayo samurai!
How do you set that slicked-down hair of yours?!
With mayonnaise or something?!
Step outside! What offering do you want me to put by your gravestone?
Red beans? Popcorn?
What?!
Ow ow ow ow. That hurts!
Hey! Keep it down, you guys!
If you're gonna fight, take it outside.
You're bothering people!
What's the matter with you losers?
Watching this crappy movie in the middle of the day.
Go to work, lazy people.
That's what this guy in the sedge hat said.
Huh?!
"I'm pissed. Come up here and fight!" He said that too.
Wait! Why would I...?!
Fine! Let's do this!
Get him!
Ow ow ow! Just a minute!
Now's my chance. If I can use the confusion to...
...finish him...
[Note: Satou Youko, the Art Director of this Episode, is listed in the credits]
Everyone.
Let's just quietly watch the movie.
[THE END]
This movie makes me cry.
Damn Hijikata and that silver-haired guy.
I'll get them for sure next time.
I will avenge my younger brothers.
Why do I have to be so exhausted on my day off?
Everywhere I go, I run into that bastard.
I hate to admit it, but it seems we almost think alike.
I feel like taking a hot bath and a nap in a massage chair.
But I won't be tricked again.
The fact that I'm thinking this now means he's probably thinking the same thing.
So I should say the opposite and go where he doesn't want to go...
but he's probably thinking that too,
so I have to use reverse psychology and head straight for the Spa Land.
Huh? Did I just write a composition? He's thinking the same thing, so...
I'll do the opposite of the opposite!
Hijikata-kun, cut it out already.
I thought you'd show up again at the place I wanted to go,
so I thought of going where I didn't want to go,
but I didn't like the idea of going where I don't want to go because of you,
so I'll be true to myself and...
Then, I thought, "Was that just a composition?" And came here.
Dammit. Only the "composition" part matched.
I was a fool to try to read too deeply into your psyche.
Well, never mind.
It must be some kind of destiny that we keep meeting like this.
Now get outta here.
Why do I have to take directions from you?
If someone's leaving, it should be you.
Hey, are you a primary school kid or something?
If we keep meeting like this, we'll get into a fight,
so it'd be best if we didn't meet at all.
It's a very mature idea.
So you should be the one to leave.
Look, you, don't say that!
I was thinking of leaving,
but if I leave after you tell me to, then it's as though I followed your orders!
Now I can't leave!
Try to understand, brat!
Shut up! You're a brat!
Let me make this clear: I'm not leaving until you do.
Who're you kidding! I'm not leaving either.
Their stupidity is so alike.
Never mind. Just get out.
You can both keep on arguing in here.
You get out!
Waste away.
I'll just put this here.
Until you shrivel up.
Hey, enough already.
You're covered with sweat.
You'll collapse from dehydration.
I'm fine, though.
I'm not so weak.
Your smile's twitching.
You need a drink of water, don't you?
I'm fine, though.
No, I'm more okay than you.
No, my okay is better than your okay.
That's what you say, but I know you're struggling.
I can see right through you.
Don't be ridiculous.
I love saunas.
I love to steam.
The other day, I steamed buns for Shinpachi.
I get carried away.
Shall I raise the temperature in here?
I like it hotter, you see.
What?! He raised the temperature even higher.
Not enough. Pour the entire bucket in.
Those fools!
You're sealed in there, you know! You can't get out!
Hijikata, Paradise!
What an adrenaline rush.
Now, you'll really go to Paradise.
Nothing like risking your life!
Don't force yourself.
Aren't you just about unconscious yet?
Give up, you.
Just so you know, I'm not giving up. Really.
Hey! Who does he think he's talking to?!
Who're you talking to?!
Looks like you've reached your limit.
Huh? This cigarette has no taste.
That's not a cigarette!
Seriously, give it up already.
What? What is it with you?
You plan on dying here?
Because of your stupid stubbornness?
Even a guy like you has a lot of people who would mourn your death!
If you still won't give up, it's just your ego!
You're an idiot!
For your own good, give up!
Please. I'll give you 300 yen.
Who'd give up for 300 yen?!
They are such fools.
So why, why is it...
Why am I so moved by these fools?
We samurai of the Anti-Alien Faction risk our lives for our country.
These men who can put their lives on the line for something this silly... Is it any different?
Hey...
Man, you are a piece of work...
I give up. Looks like this match...
is yours.
Hey!
S-Sorry to impose, but tell those guys...
Bye-Bye.
You...
That's too much work for me.
Go tell them yourself.
I can't do it. I can't kill such courageous men...
I can't.
Hey!
You guys! Quickly get out!
Just kidding! Sucker!
What?!
I told you-I can read you like a book!
Owwww...
Tsk, a draw.
No, you totally got out first!
No, you did!
What?
Who is this guy?
[Whatever You Play, Play To Win]
Kagura-chan, found you!
I kicked...
the can!
Yot-chan!
Get a hold of yourself, Yot-chan!
Hey, dummy!
The rule is no kicking if one of us is within one meter of the can!
Never heard of such a wimpy rule.
Forget it! She doesn't know how to hold back!
You go way too far for kick the can. Stupid!
We won't play with you anymore. Stupid. Stupid.
Hmph.
Wimps.
Going all out is what makes a game fun.
Well said. That's exactly right.
Because when you go all out, you perform at a level above your abilities.
If you try as hard as you can at everything you do, even the boring becomes fun.
Everything in the world is just one big game.
Young lady, how about it? Want to play "kick the can" with me?
Gin-chan says I shouldn't play with strange men I don't know.
But it's okay if it's an old guy you don't know, right?
No. All men are scum.
You're young, but very street smart.
I like you even more now.
Then how about we ask your folks to join us, eh?
Don't treat me like a kid, you old fart!
Isn't that Kagura-chan?
Yeah, there she is. Hey!
I was shocked.
He seemed so healthy just a while back.
He suddenly collapsed two nights ago.
We were surprised, but I think he was even more surprised.
So true. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring, that's for sure.
Please don't let this depress you too much, Zen-chan.
Yes. Thank you very much.
This is such a drag.
Why do I have go through all these suffocating formalities for my stinking old man?
Kick the can?
Yeah. The old man wants us all to play together. Let's do it.
What're you saying?
I told you until my underarms went sour, do not talk to men you don't know.
You're a fool. Do you want to get kidnapped?
He's not any man, he's an "old" man. Isn't that okay?
Quiet. Men are all scum.
Let's go.
Better an old woman you know than an old man you don't.
She's treating us to yakiniku. That doesn't happen too often.
In these times, old ladies are better than old men.
Old ladies are awesome, you know.
In times of pain... In such times... You can rely on a granny. In other words...
[In Times of Pain]
[In Such Times]
[Kusobaba]
[Old Bitch]
That spells "Old Bitch," you idiot!
Hey!
It's okay, let's play. Just kick the old hag. Er can!
How dare you! You old fart!
Hey, leave it alone!
You want me to kick it? I'll kick it for ya!
Bring that back within twenty seconds, and we'll play with you, old fart.
You're evil. Pure evil!
Catherine, don't abuse the elderly!
Shut up. I've got to eat. I need some protein.
Come on, let's go before the old hag changes her mind!
Catherine, get out of here and watch the shop.
If you're not nice to the elderly, don't expect the elderly to be nice to you.
What are you saying?
You're not a senior citizen, Otose-san.
You're still young and vibrant.
Okay, I got the can!
Let's start the game!
It's a pity we lost such a great man.
Even the most formidable warrior of the Oniwabanshu could not defeat old age.
What're you talking about?
He was nothing more than a good-for-nothing old perv who was out all year long.
You don't know how much trouble he caused me.
No, no. No mere pervert could be a teacher at Ninja School.
All the renowned ninja in Edo these days were brought up by your father.
You call him a good-for-nothing, but I loved that mischievous side of him.
Master!
Wh...huh? I got here as fast as I could when I heard he was in critical condition.
Dad already died. The critical night was two nights ago.
What? That can't be!
Master! Damn crucial night!
Hey, the guy being bent in half under your feet might be in a crisis too.
He's in a V-shape.
Oh...
Let's just quickly end this.
I just love this tension.
I feel like I'm a kid again.
Are y'all ready, boys and girls?!
Here comes the old man!
Where're you headed? The afterlife?
Man, why do we have to play with an old geezer we don't even know?
All I wanted was to eat yakiniku.
I'm starving.
I'm sorry, old guy, but I'll just let myself get caught so we can end this game quickly.
How dare you say such a thing!
You're choosing to lose without even trying?
You call yourself a soldier?!
We call people like you losers!
Sergeant, please refer this loser to the military tribunal.
Don't bark so loud, Private Chihuahua.
If we have to play...we're not gonna lose.
Yakiniku tastes way better after a win than a defeat, Sergeant.
You said it, PFC Chihuahua.
Kick the can is but a child's game.
You win if you topple that can before you're spotted by "It".
You need a strategy to knock it over without being detected.
With that in mind...
Get ready to fire.
Aye aye, Sir!
Is that what you call kick the can, Sergeant?
It's kick the can in its purest form.
Remember your childhood days.
Remember when you were the kid who cried
because the hostages he caught were freed when the wind blew over the can.
If that can happen, then so can this.
You can't do that. That was just an act of nature!
You're too soft!
The whole joy of kick the can is to knock the can over by any means necessary
and then enjoy watching "It" cry in despair!
I don't know how many times the can got knocked over,
and how many times I cried as I pretended to count to 100 while everyone hid.
It's a game of triumph and tears...
That's kick the can!
Hey! This isn't kick the can, it's murder!
Pure murder!
Chihuahua! Who ordered you to hit the old man?
Sergeant! Begging the Sergeant's pardon, but that grenade was thrown by you!
This is a matter for the military tribunal!
This isn't fantasyland!!
You've killed him!!
Wait a minute!
Up we go.
He got up like nothing happened!
Tsk!
Die, old man!
You're not playing kick the can anymore!
He's guarding the can with his cane!
Tsk.
How is he moving like that?
I see you. There you are.
Yikes! A kunai!
Wh...Who is he?
What? Kick the can?
Oh, have you forgotten?
We played it a lot in Master's class.
Kick the can demanded the ability to hide yourself and make instantaneous decisions.
Making it exactly like an agent's work.
So as part of our ninja training, we played kick the can a lot, remember?
Oh that. We did.
Now that you mention it. It was fun.
If you can't remember, don't pretend like you do, okay?
And why'd you come to the funeral dressed like that?
I thought tonight was the crucial night and came straight over.
I looked at it like taking a drive, you know, because it was "over the hill."
It was the crucial night, but you came dressed like that?
Anyway, I can't forget the smile on Master's face as he played kick the can.
I think he had more fun than we did.
He really was like a big kid.
I'm sure that's why all the kids loved him.
What're you all of you talking about?
You're wasting your time!
Did you think you could beat me with your legs?
Found you, four-eyes!
You fell for my trap.
A classic error in kick the can... over-pursuing one target!
Dang...
That can is wide open!
Scraped my head! My head's been grated!!
Fools! Found you, too, Silver Hair!
Shinpachi!
Here!
Now, I step on the ca...
Over my dead body!
Found you, four-eyes and Silver Hair.
I stepped on the can.
Uh... My father loved playing kick the can.
When I was little we often played it together.
What a wonderful father he was to me.
But he didn't pay too much attention to me, and it got in the way of his work.
That was how I saw at it.
Even after I became an adult, he'd invite me to play.
I'd think, "What? That's odd? It was just Dad who wanted to play."
That's how it seemed.
Really, it's like he went straight from being a kid to being an old man.
He always seemed happy.
Which used to bother me when I was a teenager, but...
on the other hand, I envied him.
Kagura-chan, I see you.
It's rather simple for people to become adults,
but... it's not so easy to maintain a kid-like spirit
where you can enjoy everything.
And for that, yes, I must admire him.
There is just one thing, however, that I can never forgive...
That bastard sold all my JUMP to a used book store
and bought a shit-load of porno DVDs!
That makes me so angry!
Oh, forgive me for losing it.
But it makes me so angry, it brings tears to my eyes...
I've said many things, but in summary, he was a crappy father.
That's how he was, so he might come to your place and haunt you.
When he does,
please play kick the can with him.
Huh?
What is it?
I thought I just saw him smile a little.
What're you talking about? He's always had a smile.
His face always ticked me off.
[Preview]
The next episode... "Life Without Gambling Is Like Sushi Without Wasabi!"
[The Legendary Tsukiyomi no Kanbei is no small fry.]
[Kada the Princess Peacock reigns over the casino. She is one of the Four Emperors of Kabukicho.]